


At The End Of The Day

by hollycharlotte



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Christmas, Comma Misuse, M/M, breaking up/making up, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 04:49:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5277329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hollycharlotte/pseuds/hollycharlotte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the prompt </p>
<p>“Today was the first family gathering I’ve been to since we broke up and my little cousin who absolutely adored you asked where you were and I had to lock myself in the bathroom and sit in the tub for half an hour and look through the folder on my phone of pictures I took of you to feel okay again” (tragicashwritingprompts)</p>
<p>Nick can't be the big secret anymore but Louis is terrified of what that entails. A Christmas drabble of two messy people just trying to figure it out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At The End Of The Day

**Author's Note:**

> I have terrible comma use but alas I hope you enjoy this. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from the girl who hates the festive season.

“Louis, what are you doing here?”

It was a fair question. It was 10pm on Christmas eve, the air frigid as Louis stood on the stoop of Nick’s parents house in Oldham wrapped up to the nines to keep the cool out as he had to drive with the windows down to make sure he didn’t fall asleep at the wheel. The rest of the street was quiet, children asleep waiting for the arrival of Santa Clause and parents getting an early night before they were woken up at the arse crack of dawn to excitable families. It was technically still Louis’s 25th birthday and there is a high chance that there are still people at his mum’s house celebrating it without him. They’d probably figured it out about an hour ago that he’d disappeared but he was already on his way to see Nick by that time. 

His party was the first time he’d seen most of his family since the split with Nick four months ago, too busy with work to make it home for his uncles 60th last month and too sad to make it to his cousin’s engagement party just two weeks after they’d split. Nick was supposed to be by his side for that one, both of them were meant to be ignoring the looks of Louis’s family that after three years together they could possibly be the next ones to put a ring on it. Nick was supposed to charm his family like he was so good at doing and Louis was supposed to pretend as if he didn’t love it. That was how it was supposed to go. He wasn’t meant to be holed up in his house spending his days sleeping and crying, the boys just ‘popping in’ with a big shop of food as if that was normal. 

But he couldn’t escape his birthday or Christmas, too many little ones in his family to even bother trying. It’d been a third of a year dominating by work and missing Nick primarily, it was time to work on being happy again. He essentially spring cleaned his life in December, his house had never been more spotless, he hadn’t seen as much of his friends in ages and he was working on making his body healthy even if mentally he felt like shit. 

And it was going great, the crippling pain of heartbreak became a dull ache. Always there but at least somewhat manageable only catching him in the cold nights where he would accidentally set out two plates for takeaway or chuck on one of Nick’s jumpers that he’d left behind without thinking until he caught the smell of Nick’s Comme Des Garcons cologne. Louis had bought a replacement of it a week before they broke up noticing he’d run out and had never gotten the chance to give it to him, it sat in his bathroom next to Nick’s specific mouthwash that had to be here on the off chance they crashed here. They’d spent most of their relationship at Nick’s place so Louis had forgotten the noises his house makes or how he’d always hated the mattress that his interior decorator had picked. 

It was going great until his little cousin Max had instantly asked for ‘Uncle Mimi’ when he’d jumped into Louis’s arms at the party tonight. Grimmy was surprisingly great with kids and Max had grown a particular fondness for his wacky clothes and sense of humour. They’d bonded and Max was a bit of a mini Grimmy now, the four-year-old had better style than Louis but Nick wasn’t the one spoiling Louis with designer children’s wear. That is what had done it for Louis though, he put on a brave face while he explained that he and Grimmy didn’t make each other happy anymore (lies) and that sometimes it’s better to just be friends (more lies) but that Nick had passed on a Christmas present for him (not a lie, Harry had given it to Louis last week and it’d made his heart hurt). His mum watched on with a sad smile on her face as Louis watched Max’s face fall and nod as if he knew he had to be grown up about this but in reality Louis just wanted to cry with him about losing Nick. 

He’d gone upstairs after that, needing a break to get his shit together and play the part of the happy birthday boy rather than wanting to go back to bed and hide for a week. His mum would come looking for him if he went to his room so instead he locked himself in the bathroom, sitting down on the cold stone of the bath tup and curling his legs under himself as he cried. It felt like all he was good for recently was crying and he hated being that person but the truth is that he wholeheartedly missed Nick. 

They were everything and suddenly nothing, Nick breaking up with him on a Monday and like the adult he was, running away to Paris with his friends. Losing him was like the stomach drop you get on a rollercoaster, so sudden and making you feel so empty. Nick said simply he couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t keep losing Louis for months at a time and pretending that he was ok. Couldn’t be a banned topic from interviews, couldn’t not be able to talk about his boyfriend at work in case someone gossiped. He couldn’t feel like less than Louis’s ex girlfriends. Louis wasn’t worth it anymore and at that news he didn’t feel like was worth anything at all. 

Louis pulled out his phone from his front pocket, the angle of his legs making it dig in uncomfortably. He thought about calling the boys or his mates or even Lottie to get her to come up and keep him company but he didn’t want anyone else to drown in his sadness and one of the happiest times of the year. He did the social media rounds, checked Instagram and liked Niall’s photo of the puppy he’d adopted a month ago wearing antlers in front of the tree. He was trending on twitter still, HAPPYBIRTHDAYOLDMAN number three thanks to Liam’s terrible sense of humour. He was to tempted to check the Tomlinshaw tag on tumblr but he didn’t want to come across any hate of the ‘ship’ on there so he went to his camera roll instead, all the photos with Nick’s in an album because “I’m making it convenient to pine after me whilst your gone, this is serious business Louis”. They’d taken a lot of photos together over the years, mostly at Nick’s place where they could really be themselves as a couple. 

Harry was behind the camera for most of them, wanting lots of evidence of his ‘creation’ which Nick and Louis rolled their eyes at but also casually suggesting he send the photos to the both of them. Harry had been quite determined that they were perfect for each other since he’d met Nick but Louis was just out of a long term relationship and not looking for a new one. Despite this Harry constantly found opportunities for them to be in the same place at the same time so they saw each other everywhere, making polite conversation and sometimes ganging up on Harry as his punishment. And then it came the night where they were all going to a cafe opening (painfully hipster but Louis knew the owner too well to decline) and all of their friends conveniently bailed on them. Harry had gotten the idea from Friends of all places but it had worked for the most part, they spent an hour bickering back and forth about how annoying their mates were and that common ground got them to exchange numbers. It was a slow build from that point, they texted constantly but Louis started touring again and Nick started on The X Factor but it was three nights before he got back from America when the ‘Harry says I should bite the bullet so here I am. Want to get a takeaway together and watch Strictly when you’re back?’ text came through. Louis threw his phone across the room, paced and had a shot of one of the mini whiskey bottles in the mini bar before replying simply ‘yes’. From there they were awkward and fumbling and messy but at the same time, incredibly fun and it lasted for over three years.

Louis went back to the start, the first photo they had together at that very brunch with the polaroid camera that was being passed around. Nick had the physical copy on his bookshelf, well he used to at least, but Louis had taken a photo of it on the day. Their smiles were genuine after a brunch filled with laughter, Louis with his tongue out and eyes crossed staying true to form. In between the proper photos were selfies, from sleepy breakfast in beds to ones taken at clubs with red eyes and sweaty hair. Pig popped up in a lot of them which made Louis ache further, he missed her curled up against his legs in the morning and the routine of Nick and him taking her for walks together. 

There were gaps in the photos, the months when Louis was away without Nick and returning with new tattoos on his arms or longer hair. Nick couldn’t come on tour with them, Louis made the excuse that he didn’t want Nick to feel like he was being held back from jobs but really it was much more complex. If Nick came on tour the Gryles shippers would go mad, bringing up more questions about Harry’s sexuality which he shouldn’t have to answer and hurting Nick and Louis more than it should. There were holiday photos, Nick and Louis in Greece on the pretence of a group holiday, Nick in Melbourne hidden under taking his parents to Australia and Louis in Oldham, asleep with Nick on the sofa after a 3am journey so they could hide away for a few days. Sadly, the nature of their relationship involved a lot of hiding but it had been worth it, until Nick decided it wasn’t.

Other people popped up in the photos, lots with the boys who’d taken to the relationship well enjoying how Nick was the only person who could get Louis flustered. His siblings were all team Nick, very happy to see him especially when he brought Pig for the weekend. Lottie was especially close with him as she lived in London now, she’d become a common fixture in Nick’s apartment when Louis was around and even when he wasn’t. There were photos with each of their parents, Louis got along great with Nick’s mum as he was very thankful whenever she played host and Nick’s dad was finally able to talk football with someone in the house. 

His favourite and the one that made him cry even harder was exactly a year ago, the room only lit by the sparklers on Louis’s birthday cake and Louis’s family surrounding them. Nick, with the help of Phoebe, had managed to stuff a handful of canned whipped cream in his face at the end of singing Happy Birthday and Louis’s response had been to grab onto him and smush his face back into his. They were laughing and a complete mess which perfectly summarised them. One of the few things he’d gathered from Nick’s through Harry was that photo, it now sat in the bottom of his dresser not ready to be thrown away just yet. 

He was in the bathroom for half an hour before Lottie’d texted him that it didn’t take that long to pee and he needed to buckle up and come back downstairs. In the mirror he looked like a mess, his eyes were puffy and lip bitten bright pink. He washed his face with cold water which did nothing for his sniffly face but broke him out of the sadness for a bit before bracing himself for a full house downstairs.

It was pretty obvious he’d been crying but Louis distracted himself with playing with the kids, joining in on the game of Disney Trivial Pursuit they were playing and stealing cuddles from the ones who’d let him. He cuddled up with his mum when they were sick of him, pulling her down from her hosting duties for a minute so he could eat sausage rolls from her tray and reassure her worried looks that he’ll be alright. Well he was hoping to be at least. 

“I miss him a bit.” Louis confessed quietly as they watched his little cousins show the family their song from their nativity school play.

“I know you do love.” She whispered back, running her fingers through the back of his hair.

“Why does it still hurt this much? It doesn’t feel like it’s finished, like a sentence that never got finished and has been left hanging.” Lou pulled at his bottom lip, working on a piece of peeling dried skin in thought.

“Well how hard are you willing to fight for the end of that sentence? I think Grimmy made it pretty clear what he wanted and that might well be terrifying I know. But truthfully is losing him scarier then what comes with having him?”

“At this point I’d hand in the towel to have him back if that’s what it came to.” It was a truth that had struck Louis a little while ago, he’d give it all up for Nick if he had to choose but Nick would never make him. It was funny that the press always speculated about it being a girl who would break apart the band because this boy had that power in his hands.

“I think that says it all Lou, go get him.” 

“What, now?” His family around him were all mingling after the song was over and it was technically still his birthday, although those weren’t as exciting upon turning 25. 

“It’s Christmas, surely your sisters have made you suffer through enough rom coms to know that it’s the perfect time of year for a grand gesture.”

“It’s over an hour to Oldham from here, I can’t just go on Christmas eve.”

“Louis William Tomlinson, I want you happy on Christmas and the small chance we have of that happening is on the other end of that drive. Go! Woo him!”

“I got the trai-“

“My car is out back, no more excuses. Go get your boy, Lou.”

Over an hour on dead wet roads to Oldham later and he was on the Grimshaw’s stoop, more nervous than he was the first time he stood there to meet them. He knew the doorbell echoed and Nick’s nephews and nieces were probably asleep so Louis knocked lightly on the stained glass of the door, jumping on the spot to try and keep the cold out whilst he waited. He bit his lip as a shadow appeared in the glass before the door was opened.

“Hi.” After four months and that’s all Louis had as his opening line, thank god he didn’t pursue acting as a career.

“Louis, what are you doing here?” Nick replied, searching Louis’s face for the first time in far too long. He was wearing sweatpants and a disgustingly cheesy Christmas jumper as he leant against the door jam, Louis wished right now that he could cuddle him when he looked so cosy. Louis could hear The Holiday playing in the house, although it’s unlikely that Nick was watching much of it with his inability to sit through more than a tv episode without fidgeting like an eight-year-old.

“Ok so there is a spiel but I’m freezing my balls off right now so I’m going to be quick. Little Maxxy was at my birthday tonight asking for you and I’ve been trying so goddam hard to be okay without you but that did it to me. He was sad and I wanted to cuddle him up and say that I was sad too. It’s been months Nick and I’m hung up on you, I’ve been pathetic and you know I hate being that person. But the reality is I was scared before of what the media would do to us if we came out together, I was scared that they’d criticise that I was the weakest link and that being bi made we weaker. I was fucking terrified but I didn’t know that the thing that would scare me most was losing you. And now the reality is that I would rather all of the scrutiny, all of the insane press, all of the disgusting tweets if it meant I got another chance with you.”

“Fuck, Lou. I can’t get my head around this. It’s fucking Christmas, or your birthday rather, and you’re here where I couldn’t even let my imagination wander to wanting you to be. You better be so goddam sure of this and not playing me right now.” 

“Will you let me prove it?”

“It’s Christmas Eve, do you plan on rocking up at Simon Cowell’s house and telling him to make a statement? I can’t see that going down well.”

“I was thinking something as simple as this.” Louis pulled his phone out of his pocket, unlocking it to the album where he’d been earlier this evening and going back to the picture of them exactly a year ago. He paused briefly, inhaling a deep breath before sharing it to twitter and quickly captioning ‘A year ago today with this idiot. Merry Christmas everyone <3.’ before turning it around to show Nick. 

“Are you sure Lou?”

“Nick are you in? I know it doesn’t fix everything and we have so much we need to sort out but if I send this tweet, you’re by my side yeah?” Louis had a flash of insecurity that maybe Nick had found someone better who could be all of the things he needed. That what Louis had to offer wasn’t enough anymore, that he wasn’t worthy of Nick.

“You always did like using twitter as a weapon. Missing you hurt Louis and I can’t deal with that pain anymore, of course I’m in.” Nick pulled on the hem of Louis’s jumper as he eased in closer, brushing his nose against Louis’s cheek and searching his eyes to make sure before he kissed Louis. Like they were in all aspects of their life, the kiss was messy but it was filled with the pain of being apart for so long and missing that connection that Louis couldn’t care as long as he was close to Nick. Louis pulled away breathless before sending off the tweet with a whistle tone on his iPhone, his PR team were going to kill him but it was Christmas so hopefully they’d be a bit more understanding.

The snow didn’t fall, carols didn’t start playing, a shooting star didn’t fly by but it still felt magical freezing their arses off and making out in the doorway of Nick’s parents house. 

“Happy birthday, Lou.”

“Merry Christmas, Nick.”


End file.
